


The Three Body Problem

by whycraft (voidfoxstarlight)



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Angsty backstories, Character Development, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Season/Series 06, hermitcraft civil war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-04-24 10:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19171591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidfoxstarlight/pseuds/whycraft
Summary: Grian, a Watcher, and Poultry Man all share a body. Shenanigans and character development ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Dec. 9 2019:** Howdy! This work has been revised. If you want to read the original work, you can read it on my tumblr (whycraft.tumblr.com/tagged/ttbp) or on wattpad (https://www.wattpad.com/user/whycraft).
> 
> The chapter count may have changed, but it's really only a couple hundred words shorter—I just combined a few really short chapters into one. Because the chapter count changed, some of the comments may appear to be on the wrong chapters.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the revised version as much as the original!

It was night time, and no one was online but them. Usually, Grian would have let the Watcher take control of the body by now, just to let them have a chance to stretch their muscles. Tonight, however, Grian was on a build high, and had no intentions of handing over control.

_ We ought to go to bed,  _ grumbled the Watcher.  _ You’re going to get us killed, building out in the ocean at night like this. _

“Can’t be bothered,” Grian said out loud. “Bed’s all the way back at spawn.”

_ We’ll be back at spawn anyway if we die. Except if we die, we’ll lose our stuff, and we’ll probably die again trying to get it back. _

“Don’t try to use logic on me, it won’t work!”

The Watcher sighed.  _ Never does. _

A drowned ate them not a minute later, and the Watcher radiated a loud, smug,  _ I told you so _ sort of emotion inside Grian’s head.

“Shut up,” he told them, laying down in the bed at spawn.

When he closed his eyes, something rather peculiar happened: time stopped. This was incredibly alarming to Grian, but didn’t even fluster the Watcher.  **_What’s going on?_ **

_ What do you mean? _

Watchers consider themselves above such powers as time, and as such, do not feel its passage. Players think no such thing of themselves, and so feel the passage of time quite easily.

**...hello?**

With a start, the Watcher demanded,  _ Who are you? _

**...i’m me.**

_ Of course, silly me. That makes  _ perfect  _ sense. _

Grian hushed them and addressed whoever—or whatever—was inside his head.  **_Do you have a name?_ **

**i’m poultry man! i need a body, can i have this one?**

_ This one’s taken,  _ snarled the Watcher.

**_Shut up; it’s my body, not yours._ **

_ But I exist within its confines just as much as you do. _

**_You didn’t seem to care that I was in here when you invited yourself in,_ ** Grian pointed out.  **_Poultry Man, what are you? Are you a player?_ **

**a player? no.**

**_What are you, then?_ **

Poultry Man gave what could only be described as a mental shrug.

**_What do you want a body for?_ **

**i don’t have one right now. and eggs!**

**_Eggs?_ **

**yes, eggs! for throwing.**

**_Why do you want to throw eggs?_ **

**it’s funny to watch people react.**

It clicked.  **_You prank people!_ **

**yes! but only harmless pranks. with eggs.**

**_I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to let you in for a bit,_ ** Grian mused, but the Watcher had ideas.

_ Absolutely not! You cannot seriously be considering this! _

**_I’m not._ **

The Watcher sighed in relief.  _ Oh, thank goodness. _

After the chaos that was the first few months of living with another person in his head, one might have thought that Grian would know better than to let another one just mosey on in. Unfortunately for the Watcher, Grian had a bad habit of not learning from the past.

**_I’m not considering it; I’ve already made up my mind. Come on in, buddy!_ **

Poultry Man being in the body was a rather strange sensation. It was like the body was an infinitely large broom closet—endless space to retreat to, but a broom closet nonetheless, and broom closets got crowded if there was more than one person in them.

_ Oh, now you’ve really done it. Look at us! _

**it’s quite nice in here!**

Time had unfrozen, allowing Grian to leave the bed and examine his limbs. They looked exactly as they had before he had let Poultry Man in.

_ I  _ demand  _ that you evict this fool at once! _

“I can’t do that, I only just let him in.”

_ I don’t care. He doesn’t know anything about personal space. He’s touching me! Grian, make him stop! _

“You’re inside my head, neither of you have bodies to touch. Quit whining, this’ll be fun!”

* * *

They egged Mumbo’s base first.

_ This is a terrible idea.  _

“It’s fun! This is the best idea ever!” Poultry Man lobbed another egg at Mumbo, who was AFK, and a baby chick hatched in his hair.

_ Fun ideas are the worst. And I can’t believe you let him control the body. You never let  _ me  _ control the body. _

**_You’d build Watcher structures all over the server if I let you control the body,_ ** said Grian.  **_And the other Hermits would find out about you pretty quickly if Watcher structures started popping up._ **

_ I don’t have any reason to build Watcher structures. There are no portals to lead people to. _

**_You’d do it anyway._ **

_ No I wouldn’t. _

“Grian? What on  _ earth _ ?” Mumbo had come back to himself and was staring around at the chickens in his base.

**um...**

**_Abort!_ ** Grian retook control and practically launched himself up the ladder.

_ You’ve already gone and gotten yourself caught!  _ The Watcher shouted as Grian climbed.  _ Everyone’s going to find out about you, and it won’t take long before they find out about me, too. I hope you’re happy. Grian, we need to leave. _

“Relax, he’ll just think it was me pulling a prank. Maybe I’ll throw around some eggs somewhere else, diffuse suspicion.” Grian took off from Mumbo’s island.

Stricken, Poultry Man said,  **you’ll throw eggs without me?**

“It won’t  _ really  _ be without you. We’re still in the same body, after all.”

_ Such joy _ , the Watcher grumbled.

**i don’t understand,** said Poultry Man.  **why do i have to be a secret?**

“If the other Hermits find out that you and I share a body, they might find out about Watcher, too,” Grian explained, alighting on the platform of his base.

_ That’s  _ the  _ Watcher, to you. _

**why don’t you want anyone finding out about you?**

_ That’s none of your business, and I wouldn’t tell you to save my own life. _

**rude!**

_ Your existence is rude,  _ the Watcher snapped.

“Guys, calm down.”

_ I’ll calm down when he stops being a moron. _

“All he did was ask a question, you don’t need to attack him for it.”

_ It was a moronic question! He’s a moron. You’re both morons. I don’t like either of you.  _ Without a warning, the Watcher’s presence blinked out.

“Watcher?!” Grian exclaimed at the same time that Poultry Man shouted,  **where’d they go?**

“They aren’t supposed to be able to do that! I thought they couldn’t leave!”

**maybe they’re just hiding. don’t they have, like, magic powers or something?**

“Where would they hide? We’re inside each other’s brains!”

**maybe they went AFK.**

That gave Grian a pause. “Can one of us go AFK without affecting the others?”

**i don’t know. you’ve never gone AFK while i was in the body.**

“I wonder if we go to the same place when we go AFK. Maybe I’ll be able to find them.”

**might be worth a shot.**

“I guess I’m going AFK, then. See you in a bit.”

**good luck!**

Going AFK feels a bit like when your foot falls asleep, except the staticky feeling crawls up your foot to your leg to your torso and covers your whole body. There aren’t really any senses when you go AFK—no sights, no sounds, no nothing. You don’t even have a physical being.

**_Watcher?_ ** Grian had never tried to speak while he was AFK. It was strange and vaguely uncomfortable.  **_Watcher? Are you here?_ **

The Watcher’s presence floated into the periphery of Grian’s consciousness.  _ What do  _ you  _ want? _

**_You’re here!_ **

_ Of course I’m here, where else would I go? _

**_I didn’t realise one of us could go AFK without affecting the others._ **

_ Why not? Going AFK removes the mind from the world. The only reason other players go limp when they’re AFK is because they’ve only got one person controlling the body. _

**_Wait, hang on—does that mean I’ve been leaving you in control every time I go AFK?_ **

The Watcher was silent.

**_Watcher…_ **

_It’s not like I ever_ did _anything when I was in control._ _Just flew around a bit, sometimes. That’s… that’s why you figured out how to use an elytra so quickly. Muscle memory._

**_You learned to fly before I did?_ **

_ My original form had wings. _

Grian didn’t know how to respond to that. The Watcher never spoke about their life before they got stuck in the same body as Grian.

Their voice became despondent.  _ I used to fly all the time, with everyone else. The other Watchers. _

Grian did the mental equivalent of putting a hand on their shoulder and tried to radiate warmth.  **_You can go flying right now, if you want. I’ll make sure Poultry Man doesn’t bother you._ **

_ No. I think I shall like to be alone for now. _

**_Oh. Okay._ ** Grian stifled his disappointment and prepared to stop being AFK.

_ Grian? _

**_Yes?_ **

_ Thank you. For talking with me. _

Grian’s disappointment vanished.  **_No problem, buddy,_ ** he said, and let his mind be pulled back into the world.


	2. Chapter 2

Things remained relatively civil between the three of them after what Grian had privately dubbed “the incident”. Poultry Man didn’t ask to prank quite as much, the Watcher kept to themself, and Grian just continued to do as he always did.

Poultry Man and the Watcher had both made use of the fact that one of them could go AFK without affecting the others. When they did get into squabbles, one of them could go AFK and the other could hang out with Grian, and they both got some time away from each other.

Grian had invited the Watcher to take control when they were flying a couple of times, but each time the Watcher turned his offer down. He wasn’t sure why, but the Watcher seemed content, so Grian didn’t push the matter.

As it turned out, he didn’t have to; the Watcher took the situation in their own hands.

Jevin took out a hit on Grian, and since he had kindly let him know beforehand, Grian built a trap for Iskall in preparation for when he tried to deliver a hit. Both Poultry Man and the Watcher were very invested in the trap, and gave Grian plenty of ideas on how to improve it. Although Poultry Man was a bit saddened by the lack of chickens, and the Watcher was a bit put-off by the rather bland design of it, all three of them were rather pleased with it in the end.

They took a break from making traps to work on the pillars running up the side of their base, but just as they started placing blocks, rockets went off behind them.

**it’s iskall! run! grian, run!**

Grian launched himself off of the pillar and towards the shopping district.

Iskall caught up with him alarmingly fast.  **_He’s right behind us!_ **

_ Grian, let me take control. _

Grian experienced a brief moment of surprise before he shoved it away and said,  **_Sure, go for it!_ **

The Watcher’s presence flowed to the forefront of their mind, taking control of the body. They shifted the rockets in their grip and shot off into the sky. It was flight like Grian had never seen: the Watcher climbed high and dove deep, circled back and looped-the-loop, made hairpin turns in midair. They even tried to hit Iskall as he flew past them.

**the safe room!** Poultry Man reminded them.

_ Right!  _ They looped around Grian’s base a few times.  _ Gotta give him the runaround. _

They landed silently in the hallway to the safe room, crouching down out of sight. Iskall landed in their base, and as his footsteps inched closer, the Watcher inched further back towards the pressure plate. Iskall turned the corner into the hallway and the Watcher jumped backwards onto the pressure plate. Iskall walked right into the lava. A moment later, their communicator beeped.  _ [Iskall85 fell from a high place.] _

Grian, the Watcher, and Poultry Man all burst out laughing at the same time.

**_Oh my god, Watcher, that was—that was_ ** incredible **_. I think I’m crying._ **

Poultry Man was laughing too hard to properly say anything.  **you—he—** **_ha_ ** **!**

“That  _ was _ quite amazing, wasn’t it?” They giggled hysterically, displaying an unusual lack of composure, and put their hand to their heart. “I haven’t flown like that in forever.”

**dude! you have to teach me how to fly like that.**

The shock in the Watcher’s voice was audible. “You—you want me to teach you how to fly?”

**yeah. i’ve never seen anyone fly like that.**

“Oh. I… well… yes, I suppose I could teach you.”

**thanks, man.**

Their communicator beeped again.  _ [Iskall85 says: can you bring me my stuff?] _

**_I’ll take it from here._ **

The Watcher handed over control of the body to Grian, who typed out a quick response to Iskall.  _ [Grian says: yeah if you promise not to kill me lol] _

Grian collected all of Iskall’s stuff and set off towards his base in the ice biome. As he soared through the air, Grian commented, “We should make a game out of that. We could challenge people to races—maybe a mid-air obstacle course or something. We could charge one diamond per run, but they only have to pay if we beat them.”

**but we’d always beat them if watcher was flying?**

“Exactly!”

_ It sounds a bit risky. They might find out. On the other hand,  _ the Watcher mused,  _ it would be quite fun… I guess we could try it. _

“Really? Great! We’ll have to start planning out the course, what the obstacles will be, how many materials we need—”

_ Let’s finish our current projects, first. Wouldn’t want to get too ahead of ourselves. _

“Right, of course. Anyway, I’m thinking it should go through the shopping district—lots of bobbing and weaving, y’know? And maybe some…”

The Watcher groaned.  _ Here we go. _

* * *

They didn’t build a flight course, but they did begin constructing a meeting room for the Architechs; Grian was calling it an “infinity room”.

It was a completely white room, made of sea lanterns, item frames, and white maps. There were no shadows or creases, and without any blocks to use as reference points, it looked like the room went on forever.

Grian stood in the middle of the finished room, staring around and admiring it. “Well? What do you guys think?”

_ Reminds me of where I lived before we left Evo,  _ the watcher remarked.  _ It’s nice. _

“Poult? What about you? You’ve been awfully quiet this whole time.”

**i...**

Grian went from pleased to concerned in the span of a second. “You okay?”

**can we leave, please?**

“Uh, yeah, sure. Lemme just…” He felt around for the exit. When he found it, he slipped through the gates and up the bubblevator.

“What was that about?”

**i, ah, it reminded me of the Void.**

_ The void? Like in the End? _

**yeah. i was stuck there before i found you guys. i didn’t… i thought i was going to be trapped there forever. alone.**

“That must have been terrible. I can’t even imagine.”

_ You aren’t alone anymore; you have us. We won’t ever let you be alone again. _

**i—wow, it almost sounds like you care about me.**

_ Hmph, _ they sniffed.  _ Perhaps. _

“We’re here for you, Poult, if you ever need to talk.”

_ We’re a team. _

Poultry Man fidgeted.  **hey, watcher?**

_ Yes? _

**what… what did you mean it reminds you of where you lived before you left Evo?**

_...I’m not sure what you’re asking. _

**where did you live? what’s evo?**

Grian tensed. The Watcher tended to be a bit tetchy when asked about their history.

_ It no longer matters where I lived. I have forsaken it and can never return. _

Poultry Man’s voice was small.  **oh.**

The Watcher seemed to realize how frosty they were being and reined in their temper a bit.  _ Evo is where Grian and I lived before we came to Hermitcraft. I possessed him out of sheer boredom, which was a mistake. _

**why?**

_ I couldn’t figure out how to leave. I’m stuck here forever, now. _

**that’s not so bad, is it? now you have us.**

**_We’re a team now,_ ** Grian reminded them.

If they had been in control of the body, the Watcher might have smiled.  _ Yes. A team. _


	3. Chapter 3

Despite the lack of flight course, Poultry Man and the Watcher had several opportunities for flight lessons. The Watcher was the one who came up with the idea to fight phantoms mid-air during the phantom hunt. Both Poultry Man and Grian had improved by leaps and bounds in their flying abilities, although whether that was due to the Watcher’s tutelage or sheer survival instinct was debatable.

It was becoming a familiar occurence for the other hermits—usually the ones who weren’t participating in the contest themselves—to watch Grian battle phantoms in the sky, silhouetted by the moon. Even Evil Xisuma came to watch on occasion. If Grian hadn’t noticed them, they might have heard him talking to himself, and if they had known any better, they would have realised it wasn’t him doing most of the fighting.

As fun as it may have been for all three of them, Cub was still hundreds of kills ahead, and they did really want to win. Poultry Man suggested using the other hermits to spawn in more phantoms to kill. Grian was all for it, but the Watcher had some hangups.

_What if they stop being AFK while me or Poult is in control and realises you aren’t you?_

“It’s really unlikely that they’ll stop being AFK before we wake them up, but even if they do, I can just take control again. And if I can’t for some reason, you can do a pretty good impression of me. Heck, if you’re nervous, just hand over control to Poult and they’ll chalk it up to me being silly.”

The Watcher sighed. _You’re right. Alright, let’s go win this contest._

* * *

They didn’t win the phantom hunt, but a new opportunity for victory was on the horizon. It started small: a prank here, a sign change there, but it quickly blossomed into a full-blown prank war. More than that—a _civil_ war. They split into teams, unofficially and then officially. Team 1 was Grian, Tango, Iskall, Jevin, Stress, Cleo, and Joe. Team 2 was Doc, Wels, Impulse, False, Xisuma, and Ren. Team 1 had dubbed themselves the G-Team; Team 2 was still deciding.

The foundations for the G-Team bae went up almost overnight. Grian may not have been hunting phantoms anymore, but he slept so little he might as well have been. He did have the centerpiece for a magnificent base to show for it, though; it was a beautiful build, clean and smooth, made of white concrete and cyan terracotta.

 _It may not be bedrock,_ said the Watcher, _but white concrete is gorgeous, I’ll give it that._

“Wish it wasn’t so heavy, though,” Grian grunted. He was struggling to fly with so many stacks of it in his inventory.

**guys, can we stop building for a while? i’m bored.**

“Maybe we can take a break in a couple hours; I promised Iskall I’d finish this tower.”

**ugh. i’m going AFK. wake me up when you decide to stop being boring.**

He ended up building a lot more than one tower—by the time he stopped building, Poultry Man had been AFK for several days. The Watcher had even joined him for a few short stints. By the end of it, Grian’s head ached and he felt quite ashamed for making his friends wait for so long.

**_Wake up, guys!_ **

Slowly, Poultry Man’s and the Watcher’s presences filled his head.

**are you finally done?**

**_Yep! Listen, I know it took way longer than I said it would, and I’m really sorry I made you guys wait for so long. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?_ **

_It honestly wasn’t that bad. You don’t have to do anything for us._

**we could throw eggs at someone!**

Grian grinned. **_Actually, I think I’ve got a better idea..._ **

Several hours later, they got a message on their communicator from Mumbo. _[MumboJumbo says: someone seems to have built a chicken launcher in my snowball bumbo… any idea who it was?]_ A few seconds later, they got another one. _[MumboJumbo says: looks suspiciously like a grian design]_

_[Grian says: It wasn’t me, it was the man in the chicken costume!]_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll be going on a trip with a strict no-internet policy on Saturday and I won’t be coming back until July 13th, so I’ll try to finish the next few chapters and queue them, but if I manage to get that done they’ll only be going up on tumblr (whycraft.tumblr.com/tagged/ttbp) and not on AO3, because you can’t queue things on AO3.  
> Also, you may have noticed that I changed the number of chapters from ? to 10. This is extremely tentative.

Only a few days later, Poultry Man, still bored with all the war preparations, announced that he would be going AFK until the war was over.

_ Are you sure that’s safe? I don’t think anyone’s ever gone AFK for that long. _

**i’ll be fine. it’ll be like i’m hibernating!**

“Still, are you sure you want to do that?”

**absolutely. i’ll just go AFK, and when i wake up, the war will be over but for me it’ll feel like no time has passed at all! it’ll be great.**

“Well, I guess if you’re sure…”

**see you guys in a few months, then!**

_ See you. _

“See you.”

Poultry Man’s presence blinked out.

Grian stretched. “Let’s crack on with this base.”

* * *

Iskall and Grian wrangled Mumbo into being a mole for G-Team and regretted it almost immediately. Mumbo, being the absolute spoon that he was, messed up just about every order they gave him.

While it would have been nice to actually have some insight into what Team STAR (they had finally decided on a name; it stood for Superior Tactical Alliance of Retaliation) was planning, it was all in good fun, so Grian wasn’t too bothered. Watcher, on the other hand, seemed unnecessarily distressed by Mumbo’s terrible spying skills.

_ We need to get rid of him. He’s going to blow his cover and they’re going to use him to get to us. _

“Watcher, it’s alright, it’s just a bit of fun. It doesn’t really matter if he blows his cover.”

As it turned out, Mumbo managed to keep undercover all the way through the first battle. It was for this reason that Grian was slightly ambivalent about using G-Team’s secret weapon on Team STAR, but, as the Watcher put it,  _ Mumbo knew the risks when he signed up,  _ so they released a horde of zombies inside the walls of Team STAR’s base.

The entire battle was chaotic and ultimately pointless. Sure, it was super cool to show off their weapons like Firestorm and whatnot, but it didn’t really achieve anything for either team.

Afterwards, the Watcher was positively seething with rage.

_ What a complete and utter waste! Waste of resources, waste of time—we didn’t even learn anything about their defenses or their offense or their plans, or, or—oh, but I’m sure they learned  _ plenty _ about us! We wasted our secret weapon on a pointless battle and revealed all our offensive plans—which the enemy somehow already knew about, and disabled beforehand! _

“Watcher!”

What _ , Grian? What now? _

“You need to calm down, dude, it’s okay. It’s still just a game.”

_ This isn’t a game, it’s a farce. _

Their presence blinked out of Grian’s head and he sighed. As good a friend as they were, the Watcher was getting on his nerves these days. Hopefully Poultry Man would be able to get them to mellow out while they were AFK.

At first, it seemed like spending time with their friend actually had gotten the Watcher to calm down, but as the days continued to progress, so did their blood pressure.

It was actually thanks to the Watcher being on high alert that Grian realized his communicator was going off. The messages turned out to be several iterations of “bananas,” sent by Mumbo.

_ That’s the code word! They’re coming! _

“Guys! Guys!” Grian shouted, frantically gathering invisibility potions. “They’re coming! Get over here!”

Iskall and Stress came running, and all three of them downed an invisibility potion. Grian donned his enchanted golden armor and took his place in the armor stand display case.

A few moments later, Xisuma, Doc, False, and Mumbo crept out of the redstone in the walls, muttering quietly amongst themselves and looking around for any sign of danger. Grian tensed as they moved to the centre of the room, preparing for attack.

_ Steady…  _ the Watcher whispered inside his head.  _ Wait for it… now! _

Grian launched his trident directly at Doc and the plan unfolded. Stress set her pack of loyal wolves on the intruders, and Iskall started hacking away at them with his trusty sword, Iskallibur.

Right as Grian was drawing back his trident again to throw it at Xisuma, the Watcher mentally shoved Grian away and took control of the body, adjusting their stance and grip in only a few seconds in order to deliver a near-fatal blow.

**_That was brilliant!_ **

_ I am well-versed in several styles of fighting, including trident-throwing. _

**_Well, do it again!_ **

Together, they made short work of the invaders. Doc almost managed to get away by building himself into the wall, but Iskall got him when he made a run for the bubblevator.

**_Watcher?_ **

_ Hmm? _

**_Can I have the body back? I mean, unless you want to hang out with Iskall and Stress._ **

_ Oh! Here you go.  _ They relinquished control to Grian.  _ Make no mistake, though: just because I do not control the body does not mean I will not partake in the victory celebration. _

**_By all means, partake away!_ **


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Here are the two chapters that went up on tumblr while I was gone.

The victory was short-lived. Only one day after the infiltration, Team STAR sent Grian a message.  _ [Docm77 says: We need to talk.] _

With anxiety clenching his chest, Grian met up with Doc in the middle of the battlefield.

Doc didn’t beat around the bush. “We know, Grian.”

“Know what?”

_ Mumbo, _ the Watcher realised.  _ Grian, they know Mumbo’s a mole, it’s a tra— _

Doc pressed a button laying inconspicuously on the ground, and Grian plummeted into a hole. But it wasn’t just a hole: it was an infinity room.

“ _ Bananas _ ? You didn’t think we’d realise?” Ren was also in the infinity room. His legs and torso were hidden behind the item frame maps, with only his head and shoulders peeking into the room.

“I—”

Ren yanked a dishevelled Mumbo into the infinity room while Doc swung down from the ceiling.

“Needless to say, we’ve got a member on our team that we don’t really want,” said Doc. ”You can have him back, of course. For a price.”

“Whoa, hey, I’m not an animal. You can’t sell me,” protested Mumbo.

“What’s the price?” asked Grian.

“If you want to get him back… he has to lose his moustache.”

Mumbo giggled a little. “You can’t be serious.”

* * *

“I can’t believe they were serious,” griped Mumbo. “I look ridiculous.”

“You’ll look even more ridiculous when it starts growing out again,” Grian remarked. “Little peach fuzz.”

“Yikes.”

“If it’s any condolence, Team STAR’s base looks equally ridiculous now.”

“Why? What happened to it?”

Grian grinned. “Your moustache got relocated to the front of the turtle bit.”

Mumbo laughed. “No way.”

“Way.”

“Oh, wow, that’s perfect. I’m going to go check it out.” 

As soon as Mumbo flew out of the window, the Watcher said,  _ We need to end this war. _

“What do you think we’ve been trying to do?”

_ No, I mean we need to end it as soon as possible. What if they’d decided not to be merciful to Mumbo? What if they’d kept him trapped? We can’t risk anyone else getting hurt. _

“It’s just a game, Watcher.”

_ Still. _

“I guess we could make it into an actual game,” Grian mused. “Like King of the Hill, or something. Winner takes all.”

_ Would we win King of the Hill? _

“I dunno. I’ve never actually played.”

_ Not King of the Hill, then. _

“Capture the flag?”

_ Would we win? _

“Maybe. Probably.”

_ Let’s do it. _

So Grian called a meeting between both teams at the peace flag and proposed the idea of turning the war into a game of capture the flag.

At first, Doc was more willing to just launch his trident at Grian’s head, but everyone warmed up to the idea pretty quickly. Each team had three flags—green and yellow for Team STAR, blue for G-Team. Each team also had fifteen lives, represented by turtle heads on guardian heads on a wall near the peace flag. If someone died while trying to steal the other team’s flag, they had to remove a head from their side of the wall. There were two ways to win: through action, by stealing all three of the other team’s flags, or by default, if the other team lost all fifteen lives.

On G-Team, Iskall, Stress, and Grian had each been tasked with protecting a flag.

**_Watcher, you want to help me make a flag room for capture the flag? You’re great at making stuff like that._ **

_ Oh, thank you! I’d love to help. Maybe it should be two or three rooms instead of one room.  _ They were getting excited at the idea of building cryptic puzzle rooms again.  _ Oh, oh, we’ll have to add a maze! With traps, of course. _

**_Of course. Something with lava. Alright, let’s go!_ **

They dug out three holes branching off from G-Team’s basement, on for each part of the flag room. There was a parkour room, a maze with lava in the ceiling, and then the actual room with the flag. The room with the flag was an infinity room, with holes in the floor that were hidden using a trick with fence gates and item frames.

They managed to convince Stress to give it a test run. She died eight times. Grian and the Watcher mentally high fived.

**_Team STAR is definitely going to lose a lot of lives here._ **

_ Absolutely. I hope it’s too difficult for them to even reach the flag. _

But only two days after they finished the flag room, they got a message from Iskall.  _ [Iskall85 says: dude, your flag got stolen.] _

_ What? Already? Impossible! _

_ [Grian says: seriously? by who?] _

_ [Iskall85 says: False, i think? i’m not sure.] _

_ [Grian says: did they lose any lives?] _

_ [Iskall85 says: i don’t know. there’s still the same number of heads on the board.] _

_ She must have cheated! It’s the only explanation! _

**_She probably just hasn’t gotten around to changing the board yet._ **

_ That doesn’t change the fact that Team STAR has one of our flags! Grian, what if we lose? _

**_Watcher, we’ll be fine even if we lose. It’s just a game._ **

_ We need to retaliate. We need to steal one of their flags. _

**_What, right now?_ **

Watcher took control of the body and sent a message.  _ [Grian whispered to MumboJumbo: Hey mumbo want to raid Team STAR’s base?] _

**_Watcher!_ **

_ [MumboJumbo whispered to Grian: Right now?] _

_ [Grian whispered to MumboJumbo: iskall just sent me a message that they stole one of our flags, so i thought we should try and get one of theirs] _

_ [MumboJumbo whispered to Grian: alright, then. I’ll just go get some gear.] _

**_Watcher! Do you realise what you just did?_ **

_ Of course I realise!  _ they snapped, handing control back over to Grian. _ But you weren’t going to do it, so I had to. Now go get some gear, we’re invading Team STAR’s base. _

* * *

“Have we got a plan?” Mumbo asked after they set their spawns outside of Team STAR’s base.

“Absolutely not.”

“I figured as much.” He surveyed the door to the base. “On three?”

“On three. One…”

“Two…”

“Three!”

They charged in and were immediately attacked by a flock of silenced phantoms. They almost fell off the staircase because it was so dark, and Grian got down to a heart and a half.

_ Abort, abort! _

Grian and Mumbo quickly backtracked to the relative safety outside and shut the door behind them.

“Okay, so…” Mumbo rested his hands on his knees and tried to steady his breathing. “It’s a Hogwarts staircase room with phantoms, creepy music, and armour stands of me.”

“Right. Potions.”

They drank some potions and headed back in. Grian died.

_ No! _

**_It’s okay, we can do this._ **

They crept back into the labyrinth, careful to avoid the traps they had previously triggered. 

“Grian.” Mumbo was pointing at a small sliver of light coming from an opening near the bottom of the room. “Looks promising.”

Sure enough, as they got closer, a flag came into view. They ran toward it without stopping to think, and the floor opened underneath them. Mumbo burned in the lava below, but Grian was suffocated by the floor closing on his head.

The Watcher screamed in frustration.  _ Again?! That’s three lives! _

They made their way back down to the flag room, more cautiously this time.

“Oh, I see now!” said Mumbo, examining the flag room. “Oh, this is old school.”

“What is it?”

He indicated the redstone ore in the ground. “Updating the redstone by walking on it sets off the lava coming down from the ceiling. I think we have to enderpearl in to get the flag.”

“I’ve only got three enderpearls, so we can either do one in, one out, or two in, one out.”

Mumbo chuckled. “One in, one out, I think. You can go.”

Grian lined up to throw the enderpearl.

“Make sure you don’t activate the redstone.”

The enderpearl landed neatly next to the flag. Muttering, “Please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me,” Grian removed the flag.

“Alright, now back out.”

Grian crouched and threw the second enderpearl. He landed at Mumbo’s side, flag in hand.

_ Yes! Now get out before you get caught! _

They escaped the labyrinth and made their way across the battlefield back to G-Team base, making sure to remove three heads from their wall along the way. Almost giddy with victory, they hung the flag in pride of place in the G-Team meeting room.

The Watcher sighed, stressed but pleased.  _ Well done, boys. Well done. _


	6. Chapter 6

The war progressed quite quickly after that. Flags were stolen, lives were lost, and both teams were a bit on edge—but no one was as on edge as Watcher. Frankly, it was giving Grian a bit of a headache.

It was for this reason that he suggested having a final battle; first to his own teammates, then to Team STAR. The war had been dragging on for a while, so everyone was pretty open to the idea.

On the day of the battle, Grian and the Watcher watched as Cub and Scar set up their cameras on the head platform, preparing to report on the battle.

_ I can’t believe they’re not going to fight, _ said the Watcher scornfully.  _ Cowards, the both of them. _

**_There’s a lot of people who aren’t fighting. They’re not cowards, they just don’t want to participate._ **

_ Cowards. _

Grian sighed.  **_Are you ready?_ **

_ Yes.  _

**_Let’s go, then._ **

They joined up with the rest of G-Team in their meeting room. Grian gave a quick peptalk, then they talked strategy, then split into smaller teams and began gearing up.

Several communicators beeped at once.  _ [cubfan135 says: GO!!] _

The battle had begun.

Grian and Jevin immediately headed out of their base and towards Team STAR’s. Their task was to distract the archers and the ghast canon while Joe built a bridge over the moat. By that point in time, the moat was deadly—magma blocks and Guardians were scattered every few feet. In order to steal Team STAR’s final flag, G-Team had to be able to make it across the moat.

“I think I’m gonna try to blow a hole in their wall,” said Grian, inching as close as he could and pulling out his TNT.

“I’m going to try to draw their fire over here,” said Jevin. “Stay safe.”

Grian lit off the TNT, but it didn’t cause any substantial damage.

“Oh my gosh,” said Jevin. “Dude, I’ve gotta get out of here, there’s TNT everywhere—”

A ghast ball flew over Grian’s head and landed somewhere behind him. Next thing he knew, he was flying into the air with the sounds of explosions in his ears. He landed close to the water, unharmed save for fall damage.

“I’m guessing that was the TNT you were talking about?” he said, struggling to get the breath back into his chest. “Jevin? You okay?”

“No, man, I need to get some regen. Hang on—” Jevin tossed a regen potion at his feet. “I think we’ve got a successful bridge, by the way.”

The Watcher cheered inside his head, but Grian was too busy watching Doc and Ren. “Are they putting llamas in—I can’t believe my eyes, what are they doing?”

“Grian, we need more gear.”

Grian tore himself away from Doc and Ren’s llama machine. “Right. Quick retreat, then.”

They scampered back to G-Team’s base only to find that the front was overrun by witches. They backtracked to one of Jevin’s potion outposts and took turns pressing the button.

Grian and Jevin’s communicators beeped at the same time.  _ [cubfan135 says: STAR 9, G 5] _

Wels ran past them, leaping over the hill like some sort of bizarre gazelle.

Watcher took control and grabbed Cleo, who was running in the opposite direction. “Gang up on Wels, gang up on Wels!”

**_Watcher, you’ve got to warn me before you do that!_ **

“I’ve only got a stone sword!” she said, but chased after Wels alongside Jevin nonetheless.

“It doesn’t matter, keep going,” said the Watcher, aiming his bow and releasing an arrow. Wels dodged it easily. “No, don’t let him—don’t let him get away!”

But Wels was too quick, and made it safely back to Team STAR’s base.

“Oh, he’s gone,” said the Watcher dispiritedly.

**_I’m taking back control now._ ** “I’m going in with an invisibility potion. Jevin, Cleo, distract them.”

Between the invisibility potion and the darkness of night, it was easy to cross the battlefield and then Joe’s bridge unnoticed. He slipped into the labyrinth and closed the door behind him. He didn’t have to worry about phantoms; they’d all been killed by that point.

“Alright,” he said, “let’s do this.”

But that was easier said than done. A labyrinth was a labyrinth, after all, and it was not exactly easy to find one’s way in a labyrinth, much less in a barely-lit one. Each time they were met with a cave or a blank wall instead of a flag room, the Watcher became increasingly angrier.

_ It’s not in here! _

**_No, wait, I think I see something._ **

It was the flag! It was in a long, thin room hidden behind iron bars. Grian broke the iron bars without hesitation and rushed towards the flag.

If it hadn’t been for the noise, he probably would have kept running. But there  _ had _ been a noise. Grian knew a pufferfish when he heard one, and even he knew enough about redstone to realise that he’d probably set off a trap.

At the opposite end of the room, only a few blocks from the flag, there was an explosion. Then another—closer, this time—and another—and another—Grian turned back to go the way he’d come from, but there were explosions coming from that end, too. There was nowhere to go. Grian closed his eyes.

_ No! We’re going to lose! _

**_We’re going to die!_ **

But just before the explosions were about to reach them, they ceased. Grian cracked one eye open, then the other. Were they safe?

“Of course,” he realised. “They can’t blow up the pufferfish.”

In no time at all, they’d grabbed the flag and made their way to the top of the labyrinth. Unfortunately, they’d spent too long searching for the flag: their invisibility potion had run out.

_ We’re going to have to run for it,  _ said the Watcher.  _ Don’t stop until we’ve reached the meeting room. Are you ready? _

**_As I’ll ever be._ ** Grian peeked his head out of the door, then darted out of the labyrinth and across the bridge.

Almost immediately, the archers on top of the wall called out and started shooting at him. They jumped down from the wall and started chasing him before he could get out of range.

All the noise got the attention of just about every other Hermit in the battle, and friend and foe alike started following Grian—Team STAR to reclaim their flag, G-Team to protect Grian from Team STAR.

_ Faster, faster, they’re just behind us! _

**_Watcher, I can’t go any—_ **

_ Oh, go away!  _ They wrestled control of the body away from Grian and ran faster. There were a few surprised yells from their Team STAR pursuers, who also began to run faster.

The Watcher’s fingers tightened around the flagpole, knuckles white against the wood. Their breathing hitched and stuttered.

**_Watcher? You good?_ **

_ No, I’m not good, ∴ᔑℸ ᓵ⍑ᒷ ∷! We’re in the middle of a war! _

**_What’d you call me?_ **

_ This is no time for jokes! Shut up and cover me! _

**_Watcher, I’m inside your head, I_ ** can’t **_run._ **

But the Watcher didn’t listen, only ran faster. They were at the back entrance of the G-Team base, and scrambled to press the button and get through the door with the flag in hand. They’d only just made it to the bubblevator when the door opened again and a group of Hermits poured in. The Watcher jumped into the bubblevator and shot upwards.

_ They’re going to catch me, _ the Watcher said hysterically.  _ ∴ᔑℸ ᓵ⍑ᒷ ∷, do something! _

**_Watcher, snap out of it!_ **

The rest of the hermits were right on their tail. The bubblevator dragged them past the meeting room and spat them out on the roof of the G-Team base. Their foot caught on the rim of the bubblevator, causing them to crash onto the ground. They let out a low cry, holding the flag close to their chest as they slid a few blocks.

“Grian?  _ Grian _ ? Guys, I think something’s wrong.” It was Joe; the rest of the hermits had arrived.

“Grian?” Ren put a hand on the Watcher’s shoulder, but the Watcher grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip, causing him to cry out in pain.

They stood up, and through gritted teeth, growled out, “I am not Grian.”

Ren yanked his arm away from the Watcher and backed away towards the other Hermits, who were warily readying their weapons.

“...Grian?” said Mumbo tentatively.

“I am  _ not _ Grian!” Ignoring the many alarmed shouts, they turned tail and leapt off the roof.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know I already posted two chapters here today, but I finished this one today, so here's a third.

Elytra weren’t allowed during war-related activities, but Grian always kept one in his inventory anyway. It was this Elytra that the Watcher equipped midair. Had they been any less of a talented flier, they probably would have plummeted to their death anyway.

**_Watcher,_ ** stop **_, tell me what’s wrong, let me help you—_ **

But Grian’s shouts did nothing. The Watcher was completely on autopilot, flying determinedly to some location unbeknownst to Grian. They veered sharply to the left at the beach, and as they flew over the ocean, Grian’s base came into view.

Watcher flew all the way up to the top of the base, the wind drying their tears and burning their skin, then dived down the centre. They pulled up a second too late and tumbled across the floor. Team STAR’s flag tangled up in their limbs.

**_Watcher, please…_ **

Again, they ignored him. Still half-tangled in the flag, they crawled inside the infinity room and wrapped their arms around their knees, hiding their face and sobbing.

Grian was at a complete loss for what to do. The Watcher wouldn’t listen to anything he said—didn’t recognize him, even. How was he supposed to help them like this?

But maybe…. The Watcher didn’t recognize Grian, but they might recognize Poultry Man. Did he want to risk going AFK, though? What if the Watcher came back to themself while he was AFK and needed help? He didn’t have any other ideas, though, so AFK it was.

**_Poult? Can you hear me?_ **

**grian? hey! is the war over?**

**_No, but I need your help. Watcher needs help, something’s happened to them. I think they might be having a flashback or something; they don’t even know who I am._ **

**oh my goodness. what can i do?**

**_I’m hoping that hearing you and sensing you will be enough to snap them out of it. They’re in the infinity room right now, though, so I completely understand if you can’t._ **

Poultry Man hesitated.  **can you get them to close their eyes?**

**_They were closed when I left, actually._ **

**i can do it, then.**

Together, they stopped being AFK. The Watcher’s eyes were still closed.

**watcher?**

“What? Shut up, shut up, shut up…”

**watcher, it’s me, it’s your friend.**

“No you are  _ not _ ,” they shouted, slamming their fists on the ground. “Shut up, ∴ᔑℸ ᓵ⍑ᒷ ∷!”

**i—hang on, is that galactic?**

**_What’s Galactic?_ **

**it’s a language. i learned it in the Void.**

**_I thought you were alone in the Void?_ **

**i was. it... it sounds silly, but i learned it** from **the Void.** They cleared their throat.  **watcher? ↸𝙹 ||𝙹⚍ リᒷᒷ↸ ⍑ᒷꖎ!¡?**

That shocked the Watcher into not crying. “∴ᔑℸ ̣ ᓵ⍑ᒷ∷? ||𝙹⚍ ↸𝙹リ'ℸ ̣  ᓭ𝙹⚍リ↸ ꖎ╎ꖌᒷ ||𝙹⚍∷ᓭᒷꖎ⎓.”

**╎'ᒲ リ𝙹ℸ ̣  ᒲ||ᓭᒷꖎ⎓. ╎'ᒲ !¡𝙹⚍ꖎℸ ̣ ∷|| ᒲᔑリ.**

“Poultry Man? But that’s—I’m a Watcher, I’m not a hermit yet, I—” They curled and uncurled their fingers. “Grian?”

**_Right here, buddy._ **

“What’s happening?”

**_I think you’re having a flashback._ **

They held up Team STAR’s flag, which has begun to tear at one of the corners. “I was in a war.”

**_Team STAR and G-Team._ **

“But… no, no, it wasn’t that. It was us versus them. Me versus… me versus them.”

**watcher, were you a soldier?**

“No. Yes. Not on purpose.” They hunched over again and wrapped Team STAR’s flag around their hand.. “∴ᔑℸ ᓵ⍑ᒷ ∷ said it wasn’t real. That it was just a game.”

**_Oh, no,_ ** Grian realised.  **_And I told you the same thing._ **

“Don’t worry,” the Watcher reassured him, “I’m smarter now. I know you were just trying to make me feel better.”

If Grian had been in control of the body, the heart might legitimately have broken.  **_Watcher, I swear to you on all my elytra that no one is taking the war that seriously. I mean, it’s not even a war, it’s—it’s just a bunch of silly pranks that escalated._ **

The Watcher’s brow furrowed. “But—but back home it started the same way. Just silly little things. And ∴ᔑℸ ᓵ⍑ᒷ ∷ told me we were going to play a game and we were going to win. But we lost instead and they were all so angry.”

**_Your side or their side?_ **

“Both.”

**it’s not like that this time.** Rarely was Poultry Man serious, but if ever there was a time he needed to be, it was now.  **all the hermits are still friends, and they all love each other just as much now as they did before the war.**

**_He’s right. Remember when Ren tried to help us on the roof when he realised something was wrong? He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t care._ **

The Watcher unwound the flag and stared at it. “I do remember. I—I think—” Their eyes went wide. “I told everyone I’m not you!”

**what?!**

**_It’s okay,_ ** Grian said quickly,  **_I’ll talk to them about it. I’ll tell them whatever you want me to. If you want me to tell them the truth, if you want me to tell them the truth but make sure they don’t interact with you, if you want me to lie—whatever. I don’t want to force you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with._ **

The Watcher swallowed. “They’re our friends. I think they deserve the truth.”

**you up to it? you don’t want to rest first?**

“If I don’t do it now, I’ll chicken out.” They stood up and dusted off their pants. “Can I ask everyone to meet in here?”

**can you meet in the main room instead? sorry, it’s just…**

“Oh my goodness, I completely forgot! Poult, I’m so sorry. Here, let me—” They closed their eyes and fumbled blindly for the exit. “Okay, I’m going to message everyone.”

_ [Grian says: can everyone meet me on the bottom floor of grian’s base?] _

They received a response immediately.  _ [renthedog says: are you okay??] _

_ [Grian says: we’re fine. Can you meet us here? It’s important.] _

_ [renthedog says: i got you, brother. everyone’s on their way.] _

The Watcher pocketed the communicator and exhaled shakily.

**_Watcher?_ **

“M’fine.”

In hardly any time at all, every single hermit—even TFC and Ex— was gathered on the bottom floor of Grian’s base, waiting for an explanation.

“So…” the Watcher began awkwardly. “I think most of you heard me say that I’m not Grian.”

There was an assortment of nods and mumbles.

“My name is Watcher, and I’m from Evo.”

That elicited some curious whispers. Impulse said, “Evo? Isn’t that Grian’s old world?”

The Watcher nodded. “Yes. I’m one of the Watchers who, well, watched it. Some… some bad things happened, and I was lonely, so I tried to talk to Grian, and now. Well. Now we’re stuck in the same body.”

“Wait a second,” said False. “If you and Grian started sharing a body in Evo, then that means you’ve been in Hermitcraft for as long as Grian has. Why didn’t you tell us you were here?”

Grian’s voice in the back of their mind was soothing.  **_You’ve got this._ **

“I was afraid something like this would happen—something like the war. I didn’t want any of you to know I was here in case… in case something else bad happened.” The Watcher stood up straighter. “But Grian and Poultry Man helped me understand that this war isn’t really a war, so here I am.”

“Whoa, back up; Grian  _ and _ Poultry Man?”

“Ah, right. Poultry Man is actually a separate entity from Grian and I. He also shares the body. It’s… a bit crowded.”

“How does that work? Are all three of you in charge at the same time? Or do you have, like, shifts?”

“Only one of us can be in control at once, but the other two can see and hear everything the body sees and hears.”

“Can Grian and Poultry Man hear us now, then?” asked Stress.

“Yes.”

She waved. “Hullo, Grian! Hullo, Poultry Man!”

**_Hello!_ **

**hi!**

“They say hello back.”

**tell her i like her adopt-a-chick program.**

“Poult says he likes your adopt-a-chick program.”

“Aw, fank you.”

The Watcher looked at the flag in their hand and held it out to Doc. “I believe this is yours.”

But Doc shook his head. “You worked hard to earn that flag.”

“But it’s Team STAR’s last flag.”

Doc shrugged. “Guess G-Team won, then.”

“But… you’re not upset that you lost?”

“Why should I be? You said it yourself: this isn’t even a war, really.” He gently pushed the flag away. “Congratulations on your win, G-Team.”

“Who got the flag, anyway?” asked Stress. “Was it you, Grian, or Poultry Man?”

“It was me. I was a bit… overzealous.” They scuffed the floor with their foot and looked down. “It’s lovely to finally talk to all of you, but today has been kind of exhausting, so I’m just going to let Grian take things from here.”

As the Watcher gave Grian control of the body, Grian whispered,  **_Well done, Watcher. I’m proud of you._ **

_ Thank you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah next chapter everything goes downhill.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible tw for this chapter? The Watcher has some flashbacks to a war (nothing graphic, but they think Grian is one of their old brothers in arms (that’s not the right term but I can’t remember the right one))

The next few weeks were surprisingly less awkward than all three of them had been expecting. The other hermits took to the Watcher and Poultry Man shockingly well, and soon it was like they’d all been playing on the server together for ages. The Watcher was, by far, the most apprehensive. Poultry Man was not apprehensive in the slightest, and revelled in every chance he got to pelt people with eggs in public.

After about the first week, the hermits had begun figuring out “tells” for who was in charge of the body at any given time. The Watcher’s movements tended to be more fluid and elegant than Grian or Poultry Man’s, and was likely to wait for other people to initiate a conversation. The hermits were used to being around Grian, and could discern his mannerisms fairly easily. As for Poultry Man—well, the eggs tended to give him away.

Sometimes, they switched control in the middle of a conversation and forgot to mention it, which made it harder for the hermits to figure out who they were talking to. Iskall made them a pin with three sections—red for Grian, blue for the Watcher, and yellow for Poultry Man—and a little arrow to point at the section of whoever was in charge at the moment.

They still had issues, of course. The Watcher hadn’t been magically healed of their trauma, Poultry Man took jokes too far, and Grian got snappish with the both of them from time to time. Time alone would have been nice, but time alone is nigh impossible to come by when one shares a body with two other entities.

The Watcher mentioned this in passing to Xisuma, who asked, “Can’t you each get your own body?”

The Watcher shook their head. “Poultry Man might be able to, but I can’t leave. I’ve tried.”

“Why can’t you leave?”

They shrugged. “We don’t know. It might have something to do with the fact that I’m a void creature.”

“Isn’t Poultry Man also -”

“Poult is a completely different story. He just happened to end up there. I’m… I don’t entirely know how to explain it properly to a player. I’m  _ made _ from the Void.”

“ _ From _ the void?” Xisuma had a bit of a peculiar look on his face, like he’d just found the last piece in a 5000 piece puzzle but it didn’t look anything like he’d expected it to look.

The Watcher narrowed their eyes. “Yes.”

“You know, I might actually be able to help you,” he said. “Not me, myself, but I’ve got a friend who owes me a favour.”

“What can your friend do?”

“He might be able to give you separate bodies.”

* * *

“We need to make a decision about what Xisuma told us,” said Grian. “First things first: do we even actually want separate bodies?”

**i don’t,** confessed Poultry Man, his presence smaller and shyer than usual.

_ Is that because you’re afraid of being alone again, or because you genuinely enjoy sharing a body? _

Even smaller now.  **the first one.**

_ Poult. As long as I live, you will never ever ever be alone again. _

“Same goes for me,” said Grian. “If you still want to share the body, though, that’s completely fine. Don’t change your mind because you think we want you too.”

**i do enjoy sharing a body,** he began slowly,  **but it would be nice to be able to do my own thing. like during the civil war. if i had my own body, wouldn’t have had to go AFK. but even though i know, logically, that i won’t be alone, it’s—it’s terrifying, frankly. i don’t know if i want to separate or not.**

_ Me either. We’ve been together for so long that I've almost forgotten what it feels like to have my own body. _

“I know what you mean.” He sighed and propped his elbows up on his knees, lacing his fingers together and resting his chin on them. “We’re a decisive bunch, aren’t we?”

_ I think we should ask Xisuma—or his friend—about how exactly they plan to go around separating us in the first place. We don’t even know if it’s safe. _

“Maybe there’s a way we can test it out, like a trial run or something. And we can go back to the way we are now if we decide we don’t like being apart.”

**i like that idea. but let’s make sure it’s safe first.**

According to Xisuma, the way they were going to be separated was through magic. He’d seen it done before, apparently, and assured them it was perfectly safe. He didn’t know if they’d be able to give it a test drive, so they’d have to ask his friend. 

“Tomorrow, then?” said Xisuma.

**i think… i’m alright with it if you guys are.**

_ As long as we ask his friend whether or not it can be reversed, I’m okay with it. _

**_Me too. We should wait and think about it some more if he says it’s not reversible, though._ **

Poultry Man and the Watcher voiced their agreement.

Grian nodded and shook Xisuma’s hand. “Tomorrow.”

* * *

_ Is he even coming? _

**_I dunno._ ** Grian repeated the Watcher’s question out loud to Xisuma.

“He’ll be here. He thinks being late makes him fashionable.”

“I am fashionable.”

Grian and Xisuma turned to find Evil Xisuma waiting behind them, examining his fingernails. He glanced up at them. “Xisuma. Grian. Poultry Man.” He paused. “∴ᔑℸ ᓵ⍑ᒷ ∷.”

The Watcher gasped.  _ What?  _ What _ did he just say? _

**evil xisuma knows galactic?**

**_Watcher? Do you want—_ **

_ Yes, please. _

The Watcher took control of the body and moved the arrow on the pin, scowling at Evil Xisuma the whole time. “Who are you really?”

“You should know, we were family for quite a while. Guess the new body kind of messes up the memories. I’ve got to admit, though, I don’t really remember you either. Which one were you, again?”

“The… the one with no squadron.”

“Oh! You were one of the children.”

“Watchers are never children.”

“Everyone’s a child at some point.”

“I was right, then,” said Xisuma. “You are a Watcher.”

Evil Xisuma shrugged. “Used to be.”

“We had a similar situation to you three,” Xisuma explained. “Evil X was stuck inside my head, but we were far less suited for each other than you three are. We nearly destroyed each other. But Evil X found a spell to put us into separate bodies, and we never even hesitated.” He looked back at Evil Xisuma. “I didn’t realize what you were until Watcher said they were made from the void. It wasn’t hard to make the connection to the only other void creature I know.”

Grian took back control. “So that’s how you knew it was safe,” he said. “But is it reversible?”

“Of course it is. You think I’d do a spell without knowing how to reverse it? ∴ᔑℸ ᓵ⍑ᒷ ∷, at least, should know better.”

_ Stop calling me that. My name is Watcher. _

“Their name is Watcher.”

“It’s all the same. Come here, let’s get this over with.” Evil Xisuma put his hands on Grian’s shoulders, and time stopped.

What in the world? What’s happening?!

Ç̶̓a̷͖̾n̸͕̍ ̶͇̑y̶͚͌o̵̜̔ȗ̵̩ ̶̯̑f̵̦͒e̵̲͂e̴͈͑l̸̨͆ ̵͈͗t̸̘͆ḩ̴̒ã̸̻ṯ̶̀?̴̭͗ asked Evil Xisuma, sounding impressed.  ̶̳̿M̵͍a̶̳̎y̶̫b̸͈͊e̸̗͠ ̵̣̊y̷̝͑o̷̢͐u̸̯̾ ̴͍̌r̶̝͆ë̴͕a̵̯̅l̶̟l̸̺̓y̵͍͘ ̷̗̆a̴̜͑r̵͇͘ě̴͕n̴̩̂'̴͇͝t̶͇̾ ∴ᔑℸ ̣ ᓵ⍑ᒷ∷ ̴̞͂à̵̙n̴͓̿y̸̢͂m̵̹̌o̸̔ͅr̴̗͋e̴̹͘.̵̞͒

The world went dark around them.

* * *

They had the worst headache. Worse than getting mining fatigue, worse than trying to fly through the lag in Mumbo’s base, worse than anything they’d ever experienced. They groaned and wrapped their delicate wings around themself in a feeble attempt to get more comfortable.

Wings?

They opened their eyes and found they were laying facedown on a bed. They propped themself up on their elbows and glanced over their shoulder.

Protruding from their shoulder blades were two iridescent dragonfly wings the colour of the sky at midnight. They rolled their shoulders experimentally, and the wings fluttered.

The Watcher climbed out of the bed and looked around. They were on the bottom floor of Grian’s base, near the bubblevator. To the left of the Watcher’s bed were two other beds, occupied by two identical people—or they would have been identical, if it hadn’t been for the enormous feathery wings attached to one of them.

At the foot of the non-winged person was a chest. The Watcher rummaged around inside and found a note: 

_ Hello, you three! It was probably a bit of a surprise to wake up here, but Evil X assured me that you would be fine on your own. Watcher, Poultry Man—nice wings! I’m sure Grian is jealous. If anything has gone wrong, please find me or Evil X as soon as possible. I remember how tiring it was to be separated, so I don’t blame you one bit if you decide to sleep for the next few days. Good luck with your new lives! -Xisuma _

The Watcher put the note back in the chest and looked at the sleeping figures in the beds. Poultry Man must have been the one with the wings—they suited him. The Watcher couldn’t see themself, but it was safe to assume that they looked the same as the other two. Like triplets. (The red turtleneck would have to go, though. They might have looked exactly like Grian, but red was not their colour.)

The Watcher shoved the beds closer together and curled back up under the blanket. Poultry Man’s wings covered their own, and they laughed to themself. How silly they had all been, worrying over what it would be like to have separate bodies. It was exactly the same as before, except now they had physical representations of their beings.

Xisuma was wrong. They didn’t have new lives; their old ones were just continuing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah. (don't worry tho, they're going to be okay) (also, fun fact, the dialogue during the scene with Wels is straight from Grian's actual video of the final battle)


End file.
